Current:Home > reviews'Fair Play' and when you're jealous of your partner’s work success -DataFinance
'Fair Play' and when you're jealous of your partner’s work success
View
Date:2025-04-21 22:08:24
That promotion you've yearned for just went to your colleague. That raise you asked for won't hit your bank account after all. That company you were hoping to work at − they rejected you.
Everyone faces job disappointments. But what happens when your partner is killing it professionally, while you're stuck in a rut?
In Netflix's new movie "Fair Play" (now streaming), Emily (Phoebe Dynevor) gets promoted in lieu of her fiancée Luke (Alden Ehrenreich) at their demanding financial firm. While not every scenario will hit as close to home – as not everyone works with their partner – the movie dredges up questions about how we deal with professional jealousy.
Personal insecurity is typically the root of jealousy, according to experts, and it requires unpacking the reasons behind it and talking with your partner to figure out how to best move forward.
"When we experience jealousy, we're really coming up against what we see as threats in our own fear of loss," says Miranda Nadeau, a licensed psychologist. "What could it mean about my career, if someone else is successful? What might I lose, based on what someone else is gaining? Recognizing the underlying dynamics is the first step in moving toward peace."
'Jealousy is a natural human emotion'
First: Don't try and run from your jealous feelings. "Jealousy is a natural human emotion, and treating yourself with kindness when it arises – rather than berating yourself or blaming yourself for being unsupportive – will also help with feeling your feelings in a way that they don't have control over you," Nadeau says.
Those who are jealous feel inadequate in some way, and have "a deep concern that something or someone will be taken away from them," adds Cecille Ahrens, a licensed clinical social worker.
In the case of work success, "it may be helpful to examine what 'stories' or 'beliefs' one might be having about the situation," Ahrens says. What are you telling yourself in your head about your partner's promotion? Are their sexist or otherwise problematic views feeding your irrational thoughts about the situation?
"Evaluate the validity of these stories or beliefs and see if they are in fact true or factual," Ahrens says.
Also consider whether this has come up before in your life, and how. "Are you being triggered or activated by a past event?" Ahrens says. "All of these things can contribute to one’s feelings of jealousy, especially if these feelings are unresolved."
Nadeau adds: "If you can have some openness with your own jealousy, and if you can combine that compassion with trying to empathetically relate to the person you're jealous of, you may find yourself experiencing compersion, or sympathetic happiness for others' joy."
In case you missed:How to stop jealousy from destroying your relationship
'Avoid blaming or accusing'
If you're looking to at least somewhatquell your jealousy so you can be happy for your partner, consider practicing gratitude. Nadeau suggests "making a gratitude list of 10 things you're grateful for, perhaps in the domain where you're experiencing jealousy, or keep a gratitude journal of five things each day that you can appreciate." After some internal work on the roots of your jealousy, where do you go next?
Of course, Talk with your partner about how you're feeling before jealousy jumps out of you into biting comments or worse, a fit of rage.
"Avoid blaming or accusing them of wrongdoing. Instead, focus on your emotions and how you want to address them together," Sara Kuburic, a relationship expert, previously wrote in a column for USA TODAY. "Remember, feeling jealous is nothing we need to apologize for but we do need to ensure that our actions are still respectful and authentic."
Ahrens adds: "Communicating your underlying fears and concerns with your partner can help you receive the support and reassurance you need from your partner. Focusing on the things that you enjoy and experiences that add meaning and happiness to your life outside of the relationship is often helpful."
Overall, remember not to be too hard on yourself. Everyone dances with that green-eyed monster once in awhile. "Experiencing jealousy is not 'good' nor 'bad,'" Ahrens says. "It usually signals that something in our life needs attention or healing."
Uh oh:Are you ruining your relationship without even realizing it?
veryGood! (2239)
Related
- The FTC says 'gamified' online job scams by WhatsApp and text on the rise. What to know.
- October Prime Day 2023 Deals on Tech & Amazon Devices: $80 TV, $89 AirPods & More
- Brooke Burke says she 'will always have a crush' on former 'DWTS' dance partner Derek Hough
- China touts its Belt and Road infrastructure lending as an alternative for international development
- Behind on your annual reading goal? Books under 200 pages to read before 2024 ends
- Sam Bankman-Fried thought he had 5% chance of becoming president, ex-girlfriend says
- U.S. to offer every kind of support to Israel on hostages, Biden administration adviser says
- Ukraine’s Zelenskyy visits neighboring Romania to discuss security and boost ties
- Federal court filings allege official committed perjury in lawsuit tied to Louisiana grain terminal
- Mast of historic boat snaps, killing 1 and injuring 3 off the coast of Rockland, Maine
Ranking
- The Best Stocking Stuffers Under $25
- Powerball $1.4 billion jackpot made an Iowa resident a multi millionaire
- The future of electric vehicles looms over negotiations in the US autoworkers strike
- 'The Voice': Reba McEntire loses 4-chair singer after sabotaging John Legend with block
- Jamie Foxx reps say actor was hit in face by a glass at birthday dinner, needed stitches
- NHL record projections: Where all 32 NHL teams will finish in the standings
- Detained Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich loses appeal in Russian court
- Why Brody Jenner Drank Fiancée Tia Blanco's Breast Milk in His Coffee
Recommendation
The 401(k) millionaires club keeps growing. We'll tell you how to join.
Brendan Malone, longtime NBA coach and father of Nuggets' Michael Malone, dies at 81
Amazon October Prime Day 2023 Alternatives: Shop Pottery Barn, Wayfair & More Sales
Rookie sensation De'Von Achane to miss 'multiple' weeks with knee injury, per reports
Behind on your annual reading goal? Books under 200 pages to read before 2024 ends
Rookie sensation De'Von Achane to miss 'multiple' weeks with knee injury, per reports
U.S. climber Anna Gutu and her guide dead, 2 missing after avalanches hit Tibetan mountain
Exxon Mobil executive arrested on sexual assault charge in Texas